Category Archives: Things You Shouldn’t Say

Things You Shouldn’t Say/Shout Out…

…in a restaurant. – “No, honey, no one will notice if I just piss under the table.” – “Just put your used tampon in the tampon holder they have on the table.” – “What do you mean that’s the thing … Continue reading

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Things You Shouldn’t Say/Shout Out on a Valentine’s Day Date #50

-Diamonds aren’t forever; murder is forever. -I thought we’d do dinner and a show. Luckily, this six year old boy I kidnapped from the local daycare should easily provide both. -Of course I got you chocolates for Valentine’s Day. However, in … Continue reading

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Things You Shouldn’t Say/Shout Out on Line at the DMV #73

I have been drinking bourbon all day instead of water. These shoe bombs make my feet really sweaty. If I don’t pass the driving test this time?  Switchblade.  If I do pass the driving test this time?  Switchblade. Man, I … Continue reading

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Things You Shouldn’t Say/Shout Out During Sex #18

-Use the buttermilk.  No, more buttermilk.  No, more buttermilk. -You’re very pretty…but I can make you prettier with this cheese grater. -I’m thinking about dinosaurs. -Look, I’m beginning to think it was irresponsible of me to leave my three year … Continue reading

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Things You Shouldn’t Say/Shout Out While Fucking #4

Catheter play, catheter play, whaddaya say, catheter play. Soup du jour. I cheated on my AIDS test. I’m Jimmy Buffet. Anal polyps. Let’s play “what can I fit in you.” Why do you smell like my brother? The Holocaust. Tell … Continue reading

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