First Appearance: Fuckshit Bomb Comics (for Kids!) Vol. 2, #14
Mutant Power: Hair. No one you know can grow it thicker or faster or in more places.
First Appearance: Two-Fisted Tales of Hipster Suspense, Vol. 1, #8
Mutant Power: Guttergut. That shrimp ring’s been in the freezer over a year? I bet it’ll taste great microwaved with butter!
First Appearance: Lacanian Crime Stories, Vol. 4, #66
Mutant Power: Smart. Don’t you just fucking hate people who are this much smarter than you? Seriously. What the fuck.
First Appearance: The Gargantuan Guinea Pig featuring Bendy Lass, Vol. 1, #1
Mutant Power: Bendy. You could probably tie her in a knot, but it would be really, really bad for her, so maybe don’t.
First Appearance: Farts, Vol. 6, #88
Mutant Power: Miserable. Does Ben like anything at all? Jeez.