Monthly Archives: August 2011

The Return of Cluntqi! (the surrealist detective)

It’s not easy, living on a fortnight and praying with the synagogues. He was keeping with those measly kids at the cigarette emporium. “I’ll quit the snuff out of you, Susan.” He whispered at the pack, all sensual, lying in … Continue reading

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PSA: Brush Your Shitsack Teeth

I tell ya, Pouch Pals, this was originally going to be a celebratory post. I was going to put aside all the bullshit, all the joking, all the snarkitude. Why? Just to bask in the fact that, after years of … Continue reading

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Fish Poem

    Little Perch, with your glassy eyes and Puffed Lips, I’ve got big plans for you. I’ma take you home, introductions, its time you met my friend Linguine. Don’t worry, he’s nice. Stringy noodle, he’ll remind you of: all … Continue reading

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Spit On It Records, a Marsupial Jones Subsidiary

I dunno, a whole record company where every album put out is just tracks and tracks of the sound of people spitting on dicks. Something like that. -Our Hero

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Dr. Doom’s Sex-Away Camp

So, you’re a super hero, and life has you down. You’ve been to Sandals nine times. You’ve been on every Carnival Cruise offered. But you find yourself coming down from a familiar high: Adrenaline. The sun just isn’t what you’d … Continue reading

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“Diabolical”

That was my nickname in middle school. Believe it. I was known for tying teachers’ shoelaces together. Like, the shoelaces from two different teachers’ shoes. To each other. So that they’d have to stand next to each other all day. … Continue reading

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I Wish I Was a Little Bit Taller.

I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a girl, who looked good, I would call her. I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat… …and a ’64 Impala. Boom. Skee-Lo. -Our Hero

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