Things You Shouldn’t Say/Shout Out on a Valentine’s Day Date #50

Which Hero? What Hero? Whose Hero? Our Hero.-Diamonds aren’t forever; murder is forever.

-I thought we’d do dinner and a show. Luckily, this six year old boy I kidnapped from the local daycare should easily provide both.

-Of course I got you chocolates for Valentine’s Day. However, in the interest of representing the true difficulty inherent in modern relationships, some of the chocolates have been injected with a variety of poisons ranging from mild to lethal. These are symbolic of the hurdles every couple must face.

-The gun I am using to force you to choose which chocolates you eat is not symbolic of anything.

-My impotence is proof that God does not support Valentine’s Day.

-Let’s play “guess what’s inside of you.”

-What do you mean you don’t like the taste of blood?

-Paying that man to kill your parents so we could be together was expensive, but, then again, so are all truly great Valentine’s Day gifts.

-I mean, I could have done it myself, but I wanted to really show you that I wasn’t afraid to commit to this relationship. No price is too high to prove my love for you.

-Go ahead, call the police; they can slap my dead body in cuffs.

-I’m going to drown you in hot sauce!

-Because hot sauce is red, like hearts!

-And hearts are romantic!

-I like to collect the left pinky toes of my Valentines.

-Our Hero

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This entry was posted in Gospels, Our Hero, Things You Shouldn't Say. Bookmark the permalink.

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